This is what my brain thinks of schedules...
This is what my brain thinks of schedules…

Somehow I have slid into a slump. I do nothing all day, when I think of doing things I feel full of “meh”. In a desperate attempt to combat this I have created a schedule. Over the years I have created hundreds of schedules which I have at best stuck to for maybe a month, still despite this long history of failure with schedules I am going to try and stick to this one. If it only lasts a week at least that’s a week of getting more done than I otherwise would have that week.

My brain is rebelling furiously against the new schedule. When tasks that don’t particularly appeal to me appear on the schedule my mind has several tactics to use against me:

Firstly it appeals to my laziness, I feel tired and heavy, I am just too tired today to do this task. Any other day, sure, tomorrow of course, but today we are tired, and we should get to rest, just for today.

If that doesn’t work it tries tack two, distraction, hey, lets just quickly check twitter, it will be so quick, just sit down and check twitter for 1 minute, that’s all, then I will get to cleaning or whatever stupid task is on the schedule, or hey, if you already read everything on twitter, play some boring casual mobile phone game – they are so quick to play – casual that’s the thing, so easy, just play one quick game and then we can do the boring thing (yeah right!).

Finally if even that fails to make me break the schedule my mind has a trump card, appeal to my vanity – suddenly there is a super important task that I only just remembered really needs to be done. By super important I mean “I just imagined the perfect paragraph of literary genius that needs to go in my as yet unconceived novel – I must write it down right now before it dissipates!”. If I don’t do whatever my mind is suggesting I am letting glory and success slip through my fingers so I better stop this mundane task I am doing that really is only fit for servants or perhaps someone from some kind of genetically engineered slave race and get on with conquering the world with my genius.

Now over the years I’ve come up with various ways of answering back to my mind on these things. In the first case I just think “look brain! Cleaning is a totally rote task requiring of no mental energy whatsoever, if I am tired that doesn’t prevent me cleaning, and you and I both know I will be tired tomorrow and the day after and any other day in which the task of cleaning appears – although strangely I will not be tired on days when doing only fun things” and then try and force myself to do it anyway – this works right up to the point that I decide I want in on the conspiracy not to do cleaning, which on a good week is about a week.

To the second attack my best line of defense is… um actually I am not sure I have one. During cleaning today I checked twitter several times and played DotsTwo more than a couple of times. I also wrote a letter to my Godmother… I did manage to get some cleaning done in between the distractions but basically my mind has me whipped when it comes to distraction.

When it comes to the third attack, it depends on my mood – sometimes I can laugh it off, “whatever brain! I know I am a mediocre nobody and I haven’t got the patience to write a novel ever so stop with your siren song that leads to destruction” but sometimes I fall for it “man, that paragraph really does sound beautiful, how can I not immortalise it in print!” As soon as I do I know I am doomed because the thing that has me rushing off to write down what my mind has presented to me is the same thing that ensures I never will finish a novel or achieve anything of note in my life.